The Mausers and other grieving Columbine parents received a special gift in 1999. It was an advance copy of a CD by Cindy Bullens (now Cidny, he/him) has been a writer, singer and guitarist since the 1970s. He worked at one point as a backup singer for Elton John, and also had a solo career. The CD, Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth, is all about the life and death of Cidny’s precious daughter, Jessie, who died of cancer in 1995 at the age of eleven.
While we were sent many music CDs, most were been religious in nature. While those were appreciated, few touched us. Cidny’s CD meant the most of all to us, because it was written by someone who had been through what we have—the tragic loss of a child. In November of 1999, he (then Cindy) came to Denver and performed for the families of the Columbine victims. It was a very moving acoustic concert performed by Cidny and a drummer. It was an amazing night of tears, hugs, empathy, and so much more!
This CD isn’t “religious” music, but it sure is spiritual! The lyrics are all about the loss of a daughter and its aftermath, but it’s not somber. It presents the wide range of emotions one feels at a time like this–from despair, to hopefulness, to disbelief, to acceptance, to misery, to triumph.
It’s a wonderful, inspirational CD for those who have lost a child. But it’s not just for us. It’s a work of art appropriate for anyone who is open to an emotional journey with a parent. These aren’t just empty lyrics about grief or loss. This is a real-life story. It’s a journey I encourage you all to take! If you do, you’ll better understand some of what we’re going through.
The lyrics are tremendous, but so is the music. The musicians are talented, and Cindy got help from the likes of Bonnie Raitt, Bryan Adams, Lucinda Williams, and Beth Nielsen Chapman. The beat ranges from gentle acoustic to upbeat rock, reflecting the range of emotions here.
Below is a sampling of lyrics that touched me. And it is JUST a sampling! You’ve gotta hear them all!
Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth
But there’s no rhythm in the rain
There’s no magic in the moon
There’s no power in this pain
Till somewhere between heaven and earth
I can find you again.
If I could one more time
Feel your hand in mine
Hear your voice call my name
And whisper sweet good night.
Then there’d be rhythm in the rain
There’d be magic in the moon
No such thing as love in vain.
The End of Wishful Thinking
And I guess it’s finally hit me
What forever really means
That no amount of dreaming
Is gonna bring you back to me
And it’s the end of wishful thinking.
Better Than I’ve Ever Been
.(People say) that I’ll never be the same
That’s true, no doubt
But I know more now what life is about
I laugh louder
Cry harder
Take less time to make up my mind and I
Think smarter
Go slower
I know what I want
And what I don’t
I’ll be better than I’ve ever been
Maybe I’ll be better than I’ve ever been.
There’s a curious freedom
Rising up from the dark
Some kind of strength I’ve never had
Though I’d trade it in a second
To have you back
I gotta try to make some good out of the bad.
Daniel Mauser Memorial Website 